Laura’s dishwasher had finally given up, so she scheduled a repairman to come by while she was at work. Before leaving, she explained everything over the phone:

“I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.”

Simple enough.

But then she added one more instruction — a strangely specific one.

“Oh, and don’t worry about my bulldog, Bob. He won’t bother you. But whatever you do, do not talk to my parrot. I repeat: do NOT talk to my parrot.”

The repairman laughed it off.
A bulldog? No problem.
A parrot? How bad could that be?

The next morning he unlocked the door, stepped inside, and right on cue — the bulldog padded over, sniffed him, and went to sleep on the rug. No trouble at all.

The parrot, however… was another story.

The bird sat on its perch, watching him with narrowed eyes, muttering under its breath like it was plotting something. Still, he ignored it and started working under the sink.

Five minutes later, the parrot started in:

“Hey you!
You call that working?
I’ve seen sloths move faster!”

He bit his tongue, remembering the warning.

He tightened another screw.

“Wow! You’re dumber than you look!”

He ignored it.

“Hey, genius! The bulldog is smarter than you!”

Finally, he snapped.

“That’s it! Shut up, you annoying little feather-duster!”

The house went silent… for two seconds.

Then the parrot screamed at the top of its lungs:

“BOB! GET HIM!!!”

The bulldog, hearing his name and thinking it was an emergency, launched out of his peaceful nap and charged full speed toward the repairman like a furry missile.

Tools went flying.
The repairman tripped over the toolbox.
He scrambled out the door faster than he’d ever moved in his life.

When Laura came home, she found a perfectly repaired dishwasher… and a bill with one extra handwritten note:

“Dishwasher fixed.
Your dog is fine.
Your parrot, however… is a menace to society.
Never calling again.”

Sometimes the animal you worry about isn’t the one you should.
And sometimes a parrot is the most dangerous creature in the house.